Last weekend it was brought to my attention just how evil the Animal Humane Society is. To make matters worse, I found out about its evilness two years after voluntarily bringing a kitten there.

About two years ago I adopted a cat, Phineas. He was so cute, and soooo sweet! He really seemed to fit in with my cat family perfectly (Oh dear god that sounds so “cat lady”-ish.)

Cats

But then my 6-year-old male cat, Max, decided he didn’t really like Phineas and he started peeing all over the place (men, I tell ya!)!! After months of trying to fix the problem I came to the sad realization that I can’t keep all the cats and still keep a clean house. (I’ve seen “Hoarders” I know how this shit ends, once you give up on cleanliness you’re one step closer to sleeping on garbage piled up in your kitchen. Nope. Not gonna happen.)

Phineas2

So I talked to my life-partner Brian and he called around and found a place willing to take him and it would cost me $40 to surrender the cat. I was informed that since Phineas was still a kitten he would be easily adopted (or so I thought). So, Brian takes Phineas to the Humane Society in St. Paul since I couldn’t possibly have done it.

Now, this is where shit gets stupid.

Before last weekend, this is what I thought went down. Brian took Phineas to the humane society in St. Paul, paid $40, signed some papers or whatever and that was that. I felt good about it especially since Phineas was so young and could be easily adopted and would go to a good home without a bully cat to harass him. Yay me!! I’m a good person!

Nope.

This is what really went down.

Brian brought Phineas to the Animal Humane Society, while they were trying to cut Phineas’ nails he bit or tried to bite one the workers. So, said worker approaches Brian and says, “Since he tried to bite me while trimming his nails, we have to put him down.”

Now, let’s digest this for a minute. This is a fucking kitten, not a Michael Vick rescue dog trained to kill! And yes, little kittens aren’t used to people trying to trim their nails, but should they be killed because of that? No. Hell, I’d bite the bitch too, Phineas obviously knew that person was bad. (Or so I’d like to think.)

So, Brian is allowed to be in the room when they kill Phineas. They weren’t even there 10 minutes before I essentially paid $40 to kill a great kitten. Yes, the $40 “surrender” fee still needed to be paid. How fucking sick is that? Dumb bitches probably just pocketed the money. (Oh, yes, I’m very bitter.)

Now, I found out about this on December 1, after a Christmas party. Brian feels awful for lying to me for 2 years, but he knew the truth would break my heart. And it did. I’m devastated. If I had known they were going to kill him, I would have hired the fucking cat whisperer to come to my house and make it work. I don’t care how much it would cost. But I NEVER, EVER would have been ok with them killing Phineas.

After learning what I did, I started doing some research. Apparently my story is disgustingly common. In 2008 City Pages did a story on the awfulness of the Animal Humane Society (where Phineas was taken). While they’re the largest “animal welfare” (used very loosely, obviously) organization in the state, they’re ruthless killing machines. “AHS euthanizes about 40 percent of the animals it takes in.”

This is how they determine if they’re going to kill a dog or not:

Animals that make it past the medical component are then subjected to a temperament review to make sure they are suitable for adoption. Dogs go through a controversial 30-minute behavior screening using a modified test developed by Sue Sternberg with the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals. The test determines whether a dog has a potential for aggression, says Dixon. In one instance a rubber hand tries to take food away from the dog to see how it reacts—to learn if it will growl or nip.

If I’m in the middle of eating tacos, and some creepy rubber hand tries to take it away, I’d probably attack too. Who the fuck comes up with these “tests”?

Cats? Oh, this is just sickening:

With cats, the equation is much simpler, says an AHS technician. If a cat tries to bite, scratch, or attack you, it’s gone.

Had I known what I know now this situation would have NEVER happened. Now I have to live with the guilt of knowing that I tried to take the easy way out and find a better home for a perfect kitten and that decision resulted in his unnecessary death.

Phineas

So, the TL;DR version: Just found out that two years ago AHS killed my kitten for trying to bite a worker who was trying to cut his nails.