WTF internet?!

December 7, 2011

These are stories that either made me laugh, cry, or fly into a fit of rage.

1) FDA approves does not approve new hangover pill:
The “pill”, called Blowfish which will sell for $2.99, is a combination of caffeine, aspirin and random crap to calm your stomach and works like magic in 15 to 30 minutes. You know what else contains caffeine and Aspirin and stomach calming stuff? Excedrin and tums. Some outlets reported that the FDA approved this magical little pill on Tuesday, however the FDA says they have not approved the pill to treat hangovers and only recently just heard about it. You’re better off sleeping it off and drinking plenty of water and/or Gatorade anyway.

2) Bennett isn’t real:
Last week or so when I was first introduced to “Texts from Bennett” I wanted him to be real. I really did. Mostly because these “texts” are the most ridiculous things I’ve read this month. Unfortunately, the Smoking Gun reports that Bennett is not real. Well, they don’t really say that, but “Bennett” is a pseudonym for David Sheldon’s real friend or something and Sheldon may or may not be making it up. Who knows. They’re still funny, however less so, now that there’s serious suspicion over the realness of Bennett.

3) “Mythbusters” shoot cannon ball into home
I love the Mythbusters. Mostly because they show you that science can be really funny and sometimes (see: all the time) things go wrong. But I really like when they blow up stuff and show how awesome duct tape is. Anyway, apparently something went wrong when the crew was at the Alameda County Firing Range recently: they fired a cannonball into someone’s home. (Wonder if they’ll air that on the episode they were filming.) Police say the cannonball took “a few unfortunate bounces” and ended up blasting a hole in the wall of the home. No one was injured and police are of course investigating.

4) Commie Muppets are brainwashing your children
Maybe it’s just me and my utter exhaustion at everything being turned into a political “Gotcha!” but for fucks sake, the Muppets are not brainwashing your children. I guess if we’re going that route, better keep your kids away from any “Scrooge” stories this Christmas. You know, because Scrooge is really just a substitute for Corporations who are mean cold-hearted entities that only want to make money and say “Screw you Tiny Tim, hope you die!” (Ok, he never says that… but I’m pretty sure you get my point.) Just take things for what they are, people. It’s a movie, based on the same story line used in nearly every single movie ever made: hero, conflict, resolution=hero wins. If you don’t like it, don’t take your kids to see the movie. And if a movie overrides the values you teach your kids, then you’re probably a bad parent.